I am using tennis balls to be more intentional about dating. For how I actually ask someone out read this.
🔥 The origin story
Last month, I became recently single because a girl I was seeing moved back to Berlin.
For a few days, I reactivated my Hinge and started swiping (left, left, cute, athletic neuroscientist … right, left, left). But a few days in, something felt off.
“I don’t think I want to do hinge anymore.”
I’ve been frustrated with dating apps in the past, but this moment was different because I kept exploring “why”.
Then an epiphany. A few months ago, I read Tokyo Blind Date. It’s about a guy (Nick) who solicited a blind date on the internet for a weekend meetup in Tokyo; his date went viral on twitter. Something about that story stuck with me (it was weird, it was unconventional, it was extreme, it was intentional, it was thought out, it was awesome). Some people may find what he did weird, but I find it inspiring.
Through a single bold action, Nick revealed to the entire world the type of person he is. You might not agree with his style, but it is very him. That authenticity is powerful.
What if dating was meant to look more like Tokyo Blind Date than Hinge?
💐 The bold flowers experiment
Tokyo Blind Date has inspired me to chase my own adventures with dating.
I am calling this project bold-flowers and the challenge is simple.
- Create tennis balls
- Write 1 hand-crafted note in each tennis ball
- Start conversations with women I think are cute or interesting
- If we vibe, then hand them a tennis ball
- See what happens
Why am I doing this tennis-ball challenge?
- I want more kooky, weird dating stories in my life.
- I want a way to express my own version of bold, creative, and quirky.
- I want to experience the magic of chance encounters & serendipity
- I want to be more proactive about finding my person
These tennis balls signify an attempt to date in a way that matches my spirit for life : living weirdly, celebrating stories, chasing bold. There’s a part of me that has always wanted to do things like this, but I was too self-conscious when I was younger. Now that I’m older, I’m realizing that I’ll regret not doing something like this.
💡 My deeper reasons for this
For most of my 20s, I played a safe, conventional game with dating. I relied heavily on dating apps. Like most people, I picked my three best photos, added some witty remarks, and hoped it would be enough to stand out. But deep down, I felt like dating apps stripped away my superpowers—the things that make me, me.
My hinge profile is me, but it also misses who I really am.
I’m someone who celebrates the unconventional. I’ve thrown dinner events with strangers to explore new ways of building friendships. I train MMA just as enthusiastically as I dance ballet because I see beauty in their contrast. My old approach with dating apps is the complete opposite of this spirit. On dating apps, I’m reduced to playing someone else’s rules: sending a message and hoping my photos resonate.
How do I capture the fact that I like hosting dinner parties w/ strangers?
My goal with bold flowers is to use my actions to communicate “me”. That’s what these tennis balls represent - a glimpse into a version of Andy that’s more unconventional, real and raw. To be honest, I have no idea where this goes and I’m a bit nervous. Will this flop? Will people will probably be weirded out? Maybe, but that’s okay because I’m expressing a more authentic version of me and that is significant.
Is this a better way to spark something special? No idea ... let's find out
❓ FAQs
Why did you pick tennis balls?
Modern dating makes rejection hard and awkward. With a tennis ball, the girl gets a compliment and a nice story. And if she’s not into me, there’s no awkward rejection. Also, I thought of this idea at Wimbledon and this is my way honoring that memory.
Why are you writing about this?
A friend mentioned that writing about this might dillute the sincerity of my actions. Tennis balls are unconventional so I felt it was important to provide context. I also hope this will inspire someone else to chase their own version of bold flowers :)
Thanks to Paloma van Tol for reading a draft of this.